Ventriloquist Puppets – Part 11 – The Old Lady
One popular figure worker has his Old Lady arranged behind a table at the back of the stage, while the Old Man sits in a chair near by, and the Irish and Colored figures are given a settee just back of the footlights. Another has his Old Man standing and his Old Woman sitting, while still another arranges his figures, which are all of full length, in a row on a covered divan or sofa behind which he stands.
With all his modern improvements the Old Man is fearfully and wonderfully made, like unto no living creature of the heavens above, the earth beneath or the waters under the earth. His nose pulls out and is illuminated by electricity from the interior, as is his scarf-pin, and the pulling process is accompanied by a terrible squinting of the eyes. On occasion his hair raises in fright or amazement, not like ” quills upon a fretful porcupine,” but like a hirsute trap-door. His eyes wink at so much per wink per eye. His head turns completely around and when remonstrated with at such an unnatural proceeding, it makes the circuit again in the opposite direction while he casually remarks that ” one good turn deserves another.” His arm lifts and plucking his hat from his head with jointed fingers he waves it jauntily about. Not only does he smoke a pipe, but places it in his mouth himself, and lighting a match on the side of his own face holds it to the tobacco and puffs away contentedly, occasionally adding realism to the action, if not refinement, by expectorating a fine stream of water over the stage. When anything occurs in the audience to attract his attention his neck stretches to a frightful length, while he blithely gives utterance to the warning, ” Danger,” with a rising inflection on the ” ger ” which proves intensely amusing. He also crosses his legs and uses his handkerchief; and, in fact, with all his accomplishments he must be as difficult to work as a locomotive.
Recently, an original long lost manuscript resurfaced having been discovered in an ancient bookshop in the back waters of the southern states.